隨心所言

Always second choice

I dont know why I need to choose my backup always in my life......

It's the same situation, I cannot get my favourest job. They rejected me so soon without any consideration. There were around 120 people in the list...and I am not the one.... I cannot believe that if i am really that poor and worse than those 120? While for the other job which i didnt tend to apply, jsut wanna give a try and I got the offer. I dont like that job at all...... but i guess if I got no other better choice, I will force myself to love it.... at least.....

Wanna get drunk last night....but totally fail.... I didnt feel anything ....

My lovely winter is gone......spring is coming.... i dont like it...

God my mood is just soooo blue and tongiht i am going to celebrate the Valentine's Day...how can I be sooo upset in front of him in this big day..... ah........

Suddenly lost my motivation....again.......... i guess after crying for awhile i can eb recovered, and start my job hunting again. so...jsut cry loudly....

Recent news

It's about my recent life.

Just some writting of my recent life.

I will be graduated soon and start working in the society. Dont know why life seems to be more difficult than I expected. Pressure is much more high than I expected too. Now I am an adult and I got the total responsibility of what I had done. There is no excuses for me that I am still young and I am still silly.

Due to the economic cisis, the job opportunity drop a lot. Luckily, I can still get a job although it's not what I wanna do. I will still applying for what I like and keep the other as my backup...... As I know I will be killed if i dont get a job.

I am now having a very stable bf and the most important thing is I am happy with him, It's totally different from my previous love issue . I dont need to cry for him anymore, at least. He fit me in some sence as we have very good communication and he knws me well. But sometimes, i still curious that if he is really the one. I am not sure and I cannot tell, men sometimes seems too complicated for me to read.

Dont know what;s happened to the blog.... i asked for my registation again.... probabily i didnt write for a long time...... sigh....

Anyway life is peacful now finally~ at least i feel i am~ ^^

Cannot let it go

Really cant give up writing a diary. Probabily i got too many memories here that i dont wanna give up.

Went to SZ for body massage and shopping during the weekend. Thanks to my friend, it's a nice trip. We stayed in the 5-stars hotel with a special discount and we also had the 5-star service for the body massage. It's really enjoyable and I would definitly go often in the future.

We then went shopping on the other day in LoWu. My god, I learnt a great lesson in negatiation. And seems that i am a born-negotiator. hoho~~ I bought a watch which original price is $320...I finally get it at $80. Also, I bought two handbags which originally priced at over $400. Finally I got them at $120 and $150. Surprisingly, the material and designs are in good quality! If you wanna buy the similar handbag in HK, even you try to find that in Sham Shu Po, it will be more than $200. Even the shop keepers said I am very good at bargainning. hahaha~ that's the HK girl! Anyway, because of the limited time, I cant finish my whole plan(include buying some accessaories and a jacket.) For the jacket, the cheapest I can find in HK with average quality is around $300. However, I am confidence that I can get it at half priced in SZ even with a better material. So......hehe looking forwards to the fight next time!

There are some techi shared with you all in the bargaining process. First, you need to make sure that the shop keeper is talkative! (that's she is willing to bargain) I saw some of them are very lazy that they even dont wanna serve you. For that kind of keeper, you can jsut walk away and save your energy. Second, their bargaining preformance are more or less the same. Thue you can know what they are going to say if you know them well. Usually they will first tell you the original price(this is of course for the tourist only) Then if you say it's too expensive, they will give you a discount. However, the price will still be high. You may try to start bargining or jsut walk away. When they see you going, they will ask you a question," what price do you prefer?" Then you better becareful. If you asked for a higher price, you lose the game. If your asking price is too low, they know that you know nothing. They will still give you the higher price and pretend their goods are in better quality. To prevent this, you can collect more information in the other shop or compare the quality to those you found in the big shopping mall. So, you can now ask for a low but reasonable price. Usuaully they will then ask you to pay more and my stragey is,"I only have $100 in my pocket. sell it or not." When you stand strongly, they will finally give in. Or in another way, sometimes you finally bargain to a acceptable price but you still think it might be a bit high. You may test it by reducing the price by $10. If they stand strong and even resist selling when you walk out of the shop, you know it's already the bottom line. That's my way to bargian, hope it's helpful the girls~

P.S. Girls, please make sure that you have enough energy for the walk and the bargaining process. althought I have been shopped for 3 hours...it nearly killed me.

Uncomfortable

It's strange that someone who you knew for a few days to seek all your informatino online and read all your diary. It makes me so worry and uncomfortable.

It's the second time...... the one who i didnt expect to read my diary found this site. I chose writing diary here is because I dont want guys to read my words(unless those permitted) as it's a female-context website. Also, it doesnt like Xanga or facebook. It's a taiwan website and there shouldnt be any HK people read my words "accidently". So what I can conclude is that, by searching my name or msn online, and you guys got my diary here.

I feel so insecure. Although my diary is opened to public, but it's not for you guys to seek for my information. Even there is not much personal information that you guys can find, I guess I need to consider closing it. or move to another new place. Even i like this place........

For my friends: ask me for the new diary website la!

For my Angel

If you are not my angel, please dont read it. So I expected that there will only one person or no one read this entry.

It's been years that you keep reading my diary, right? Although we cannot meet, we cannot chat, i guess it's still possible that you read my articles online. Whenever i saw the no. of Bean is increasing I will think of you. I dont know if i guess it correctly, coz in my memory, I only asked you to add me bean everyday.

I read all of your mails and comments left here once again. It costs me lots of time really. The feeling is complicated, I feel sweet, I feel sad, I feel disappointed, I feel........... my memory is refleshed once again, our time, our memory, our secret.......I was jsut a little girl at that time right? I did many things wrong right? Hehe, even i know I am still a little girl, I still keeping mistakes everyday........... without my angel walking side by side with me, I can still live well, enjoying my life(sometimes i dont, honestly....it's too bitter) I am getting stronger and stronger everyday when i wake up. Can you see that?

I dont know what's the meaning of purpose of writing this passage to you, jsut i wanna write it, or..... prove that you are still being next to me, even you are invisible. It's crazy, but i would love to see you again. I mean chatting, to share the life, our experience, our feeling, whatever. Now, you really seems like my Angel, not my bf, not someone I totally relied on, not someone who I should cry for........... so ....is that possible?

Bad Newsssss

Lots of bad news recently and my mood seems cant be lighted up again.

I dont know why there must be so many things happened in the summer holiday every year. Can I enjoy a happy and fun summer instead of being so troublesome and annoying??

ok~ the first bad news: Ding Ding Ding~ Yes!! it's my family AGAIN! or should be my dear mum. Even i am stayingin the university and we meet less, we can still have fight whenever i back home. Last week is the vigourest one. I jsut rushed out of the door. I am sorry that I cannot bear it. I cant believe that you trust those stupid words instead of your daughter. I protect you in front of the others and the outcome is you asked your daughter to go to hell. My brother and I was trying our best to please you and wanna give you a peaceful life in the rest of the time, but seems that neither my brother nor I can do it. My home should be the comfortable place for me to take a rest. After my fight outside, after all those sadness outside, I should be, and I guess I deserve a harmony at home. At least I can be relax there. However, seems that my last resting place is boom up by my mother's words and attitide.

The second bad news: It's my first time to be treated by the guy in this way. Only I can say is RUDE. I tried to make things clear, I try not to harm anyone. And the result is...... you hurt me. It's my first time to be angry with friend coz i really had enough. Or...more than enough. Although I received apologize from him. I guess it's no use. Sometimes, things happened and no matter what you do, it wont be better. I dont need any sorry, coz it can never help. People, please think carefully, we cannot have a second chance forever. Why isnt it better that we try to avoid mistake and think carefully before you act? Unfortunately, Renee is not someone who is forgiving. Especially towards the guys. I accept what you said, but I afraid that we cant be friend. As i understand that we cant open up to each other, at least for me.

The third bad news and the worst also: I lost the chance to study in Shanghai. When I received the news in the office, I didnt know how to react. Then I keep myself claim and normal and went to the washroom slowly. When I got there, I wait until the other girl in the washroom finsihed and gone, I cried out. No, I cant accept this result....or I still think it's just a nightmare(I had lots of nightmare recently and I dont mind having one more.) But anyway, the fact is here, I will get used to it and plan my new way and direction. Honestly it seems to be the first failure in life(doesnt count those in love of course.) "Renee" is really a good name, whenever there is bad things happened, I can always act like this name..... Rebirth, having a new life.

Luckily, God is still putting his eyes on me. I enjoy my work much and the staffs here are nice. Most of the time during lunch, we can keepin glaughing for an hour. That's a really good buffer for me during this period. Wish I wont lost it later.........

Ok, go back to work, rest is over. Add oil and face the new life agian!!

Sex and the city

Watched the movie with ming ming today.

Shopping and movie day. I went to TST to watch the movie with my honey. SEX AND THE CITY, as i had no expectation at all, turn out it's good!!! Anyway, from my view, it's just a legend, those stories are one of the thousand and they are all hard to be come ture. I will say the women in the movie are lucky, very lucky.

I start wondering.....can i fall in love again? can I have the feeling of love again? I scared honestly. After that i am scared of having relationship, I am scared of the guys, i am scared of love..... Maybe i am not recovered. Maybe i am not prepare, maybe i even dont know what love is.

Shopped for a whole day, super tired now....... and it's my first day to work tomorrow! so~work hard baby!!!!!!! gogogogogogo~

Thousand mountains I go alone

I had a very happy night yesterday!

First good news~ The martketing job is confirmed! yeah!!! But I need to work till the end of Auguest, I am a bit afraid of the exchange thing. Whatever, jsut take it and learn from it~ hohohoho~ so exciting!

And then at night I dated with Jason, a new friend~ We first went to have dinner. I cant remember the name of the resturant, it's great by the way~ so full and satisfied. Hehe~ once again, it proved that I always have a better choice! haha~ as my dishes is better^^ (kidding~) The environament there is great too~

Then we went to watch the show~ a fantastic and dramatic and amazing one!!! it's really really cool! So-far (although i dont have much experienece in watching that kind of show.) it's the best one I have ever seen, I clap my hands thousand of times. It's so wonderful!! hehe i guess the best part will probably be the song " Thousand moutains I go alone"~ haha and also the paper reading. Mr Chim is really great!! hehe start looking forwards to the other show on 1st July!

Then Jason and I went to the TST habour, we took lots of pic~~ thank you my photographer^^ The view was so clear last night, and it's really beautiful. Walking along the corridor is so comfortable and relaxing. I really love it!!

Thanks Jason for sending me home and we had a long chat understair~ Everytime I talked about it, I released a bit. It's good. Jsut let the past go and look forwards to the future! And we also talked lost of things, his family, my family, the future bla bla bla~~~ I always enjoy talking with friends~ the feeling of sharing is so great!!

SO in conclusion~i had a super enjoyable night! haha~ Start looking forwards to the next Sunday! yeah!!!!!!

PS~ thanks for the book~ I probably can finsih it this weekend^^~ hahahahahaha

I move to a new hall~

What's an exhausting day that I did the packing and unpacking in my day~

Today I need to move to another hall during the summer period. This one of coures is not as good as my previous hall, I still like it. Probably my roomate is very friendly. She is an exchange student, and it is a golden opportunity for me to train my eng! yeah!

Started from 9 today, I started packing my belongs~ totally there are about 10 bags~ Luckily Mr K came and help me! thank you sooooooooo much!!! we had a breakfast first and then started working. Without him, I guess i need to work until 4:00pm....... Really thank him!! I owe him a dinner~ hehe~ After that, I unpacked the things and took the shower and washed my clothes~~~~ hehe Finsihed!!

Going to meet ming ming later~ we will have movie and i will buy something for the room~ always miss her^^~ and i heard a good news from her today too, hehe wish you a happy ending baby~ add oil! catch your prince la!

Last night i dreamed of him again....damn it....... it makes me feel a bit sad in this morning. I forgot what's in the dream, i jsut wanna get rid of him asap. please.....

Two days ago at night, I received a call when i was dinnering with Sam. A company asked me to have the interview on the next day. And then I went there yesterday at about 2. First, the HR staff carried the interview with me. She asked lots of questions like why do you choose the marketing field when you are studying management? What are you going to do when you are graduated? What's the different between marketing and management? What did you learn from your previous job experiences? What's the different between the two jobs that you have done? bla bla bla........ I need to answered them in Cantonese, English and Mandarin. Really challenging and honestly I feel i did quite well. Later on she asked me to wait and then the vice president came and carried another interview for me! He is young and also very talkative. Actually somehow i was a listener in that case. I jsut showed some response. He like asking YEs No questions. After I answered and i wanna explain or elaborate my answer, he will keep talking again and ignore you, very funny. Generally, I think I did quite well in this interview, and i got confident in gettign this job. Good luck to me by the way!

Recently, many people, especailly those new friends (even the old one), would like to ask me the same question "are you a local people?" Quite surprising. Whenever they hear my voive and way of talking, most of them think that i am an exchange student. When they just look at my face, they will think that i am a Korean (I got the explaination. I look like a korean coz i have a pair of small eyes~ >.<). So in conclusion, 60% think that i am a korean, 20% think that i am an exchange studnet from western countries and 10% think that i am a Japanese. Funny......

I passed my Financial Exam!!! yeah!!! the biggest event to celebrate! hehe~

I guess I woke up......again

life after the Exam~

It's definitly free....and boring. The point is I am still doing the job hunting. Even there are interviews, they are in the mid-June. My godness, what can I do during this period? Even I am a pig, I cant sleep for so long.............(better to be a sleeping beauty then.....)

Those night I thought a lot about us, our history, our time. I read those diary once. One of my new friend told me that I had a harsh year. Did I? I guess whn you really love someone, you can bear all the sadness and tears and will always forgiving him. However, when i start see clear, I know that you are not the one I want.

I know that you are a very successful business man, very successful. You got all the skills and equipments. However, you are a horrible lover. When you are doing good to me, taking care of me, you are trying to treat me as your customer or client I think. You delivered a good quality services. And I misunderstood that it's from your true self and your true love. When you are trying to blame me and to protect yourself, you are doing your own-self. I shouldnt feel angry as it's the real side of you. I admit that I have personality defect. Everyone does actually. But i dont mind people to point them out (in a sofe way please...I stilll have my ego....hehe) and I would thanks them as I can improve myself. While for you, youi know you have defect too, but you tends to cover them, using your excuse " I can survive, that means I got no problem!". I guess it's your personality matter, you have a super hugh ego and in some sence, I liked this part of you before. I admire your business sense, I admire your caring, I admire your muturity. However, I cannot accept your selfishness, I dont want to learn from your value, and I dont wanna be hurt anymore.

Anyway, I guess the worst has been pasted. "Stand up at where you fall down" I am doing it now. But I guess it's hard for me to develop any serious relationship with anyone. There are always chasers, jsut I dont wanna be with them. It's quite hard for me to trust someone in this way again. It's hard for me to love someone in this way. So.....I better forcus on my other aspects: My job and excahnge! haha

You know what, for me~ the poorset thing in thi world is: you got nothign to do!!!!! and it's my situation now.......>.<~ how can Renee get nothing to do?? Impossible!!!!!!!!!!! Come on friends~ call me!!!!!! or i will call you~ hahahaha~

Have a nice summer holiday babies~~~~~>3<~