Two men
I meet them recently, and being with them recently. They share the common charatertics that they are both the "cup of tea" that i was looking for... and they both cannot last long.
Mr D was my part-time boss. Since the first day I met him in the interview, I started liking this person. You know, first impression, he seems to be very gentle, mature and good looking.
After i worked in his company, I started knowing more about him. He is a child honestly, although he has his own thought and ideas, he acts like a child. He is not that mature as I thought. He like playing with his friends, drinking, playing all the time. But I can sure that he is a good guy with great dream and he worked hard towards his dream. He always plays around but he never plays in love. For him, love is troublesome.
I dont know how we can start the relationship actually, maybe he think I can be a good girlfriend.. Maybe I am a good helper in his work. Maybe I had a good time with him. Maybe....anyway I would never know as he would never tell me.
During the 7 days of love, we did things like a normal couple. Having dinner, movies, talks..... and on the 7th day mornig, he asked for separation. I was shocked and i didnt know how to response. His reason to separate is that my mind is still 21 year-old. Although my working ability and my outlooking doesnt seems to be 21, my mind does. He couldnt find security inside me and he doesnt think I cannot stay with him long. At that moment, I started wondering, before, the relationship I want is exactlly like this, he is jsut my cup of tea, asking me to give my promise and committ to this relationship. Isnt that I want a life long relationship? Isnt that most of his part fit to my want? My answer, I dont want to committ to it. The feeling is like, I still have a long way to go, I dont want to fit my direction now. I still want to choose, I am greedy.
Then Mr T comes up. He is funny, can always make me laugh, crazy in love with me. He can say a thousand of "loving you" in a day. He would do all I told him, I seems to be the princess in front of him. I got no idea why he was crazy for me, his answer was because of feeling. Long time ago, I wish to meet a guy like this, romantic, crazy in love with me, dramatic and exciting. However, in the 10 days I was with him, I jsut feel like things were fake. "love" from his mouth seems so easy. And I feel the pressure, I cant believe that I feel pressure in getting alone with guy. I hate he called me ten times a day. I dont like meeting him all the days. I dont like he keep asking me if I love him or not. It's jsut like wasting my time.
Then on the 10th day, I asked for separation. Before, I would like my bf to call me or wait for me downstarie and asked for getting back together, probabily I watched too much TV program or read too many romantic stories. And this time he did. Calling me 40 times at night!!! However, for me, it now seems to be crazy and non-sense as well as not respecting..............
Both relaionships were short. Both I though would be my dream man or way of love that I desire. However, after this two experience, I learned a few things and I know myself more. Renee is a greedy girl, she is not committ to anyone now. She jsut want to try and seek for the prefection. She is selfish and just think of herself, her future, her dream, her lifestyle, her way of love bla bla bla........ I also know that I am someone who is very easy to like somebody but hard to love. In my mind, love means much more than saying "love you" all the day, or dating, hanging etc. I means if you can secrifice, accept your other half, support your other half, understanding him and repect him. It's difficult and I know I cannot do that at this stage, or maybe I think no guys worth me to do that.
Sometimes I really think what's the point to fall in love? Someone told me that there would be a guy to look after you when you are sick. You can be cared. However, Renee doesnt need that. In the past 21 years, no matter i was with the guys or not, everytime i was sick, I took care of myself. Someone said with your love, you can work had together for the future and someone will be there and support you when you are weak. Honestly, I wanna work for my own future, if someone helps, it's good, but why he or she cant be my partner only? Supporting me when i am weak, all my dear friends can do that and even I can support myself. I used to talk to the image in the mirror and ask her to chher up(crazy right?) I realy cant get the point? Love...no use...no value?? I dont know.....
