OLGA | 2007-02-27 23:41
在美國時便奇蹟般的聯絡上Vallo Riis 那時試過寄EMAIL到他的信箱 卻每每都被退了回來 大概在聖誕節前後 寄了張明信片到愛沙尼亞給他也留下我的聯絡方式
那時心情其實不抱著任何希望 除了他房子是租來的 隔了2年多近3年沒聯絡 不確定他是否仍居住在舊住所 沒想到約1個禮拜後 他便收到我的信也寫了一封EMAIL來說他當然還記得我
就這樣 我們又回復聯絡 雖然不像以前一樣 過去我們除了幾乎天天都會在ICQ裡聊天 卻每天又通信 呵呵 在ICQ 兩個人除了很瘋狂的聊了些週遭的事情還有些個人看法 也很常聊歷史科學攝影及音樂 當然家人的事情也涵括在內 那時ICQ的朋友很多 但和Vallo卻最有一種說不出來的默契 他曾告訴我 他也有許多通信的朋友 但最喜歡先看我的EMAIL也總是最快回信給我 對他來說 我是一個很特別又有趣的朋友
呵呵 老是記得有次和他不知道在聊些什麼 後來 他打了很長一串的笑聲說他差點笑得摔到椅子下還要我給他一些時間喘息
後來一些原因 我們講定不再和彼此聯絡直到他知道該如何做 但失去他後 我總覺得有些奇怪感 2年多的時間還是惦記著他 也認為如果沒再有他的消息 我ㄧ定會遺憾一輩子 所以和Vallo又聯絡上 那種心情除了雀躍也有種歡欣感
昨天寫了封信告訴他 我的近況並不太好也把我遇到的一些瓶頸都寫了上去 有時候 要說出自己心靈中更深的問題其實很難啟齒 更何況傾訴的對象是自己深深喜歡的人.......直到現在 我都還是很喜歡Vallo
原本認為 我把自己心靈上的難題一五一十都寫了上去 他會不願再與我聯絡
卻在今天立即收到他寄來一封很長的信 其實過去只要我遇到挫折還是傷心低落時 他總會很快的就寫來很長的一封信安慰鼓勵著我 而他的字也像是特效藥一般立刻就能治癒我的心不再憂愁
讀了他的信好幾回 沒想到就如同往常一樣 一切就又都豁然開朗了起來 我也不知道該如何說 但Vallo有種撫慰人心的魔力 不是溫柔卻毫無實質內容的言語也不是咄咄逼人的說教 因為和MIKE分手 我已經失魂落魄了幾天 卻只因Vallo的信又重新打開我的心扉
謝謝你 Vallo
(下面為Vallo寄來信的一小部分)
Hi Alice
I appreciate very much that you told the truth what is going on with you. I's very natural to want to be loved. But I guess you already know better than I
that though it's the love of a man you want it is he who "will dominate you" (Genesis 3:16) As a man - I must say it's true. I am Jehovah's witness
but I am also a grown-up male and I too have the power to dominate a woman. I's just that Jesus have taught all the men in His congregation to do that
with love...so tenderly that it would not feel like domination, but rather like loving and taking care.
I don't have to tell you that men who are not JW's and clearly have not heard that they have the obligation to be tender towards their wifes or 'soon to be
wives'. I guess you know that yourself by now. You probably wonder what went wrong or what did you do or left undone. Nothing.
But if I were a worldly man and I'd want to "get laid" like americans say...of course I have to be tender with the girl and say "I love you" a lot etc etc...
or she would not give me any.
It's just something that men want. And we're pretty much born that way. And we need rules to keep those urges in leach and give our minds a chance to
override the biological sex drive.
I'm telling that to you because we're both grown-ups and probably don't have to feel shame to talk about these things
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