隨筆C日記

>,< I've finished my long diary. Unluckily, it suddenly disappeared when I was trying to publish it.

Today is my first day on the job at IBM. My feeling on working for this corporation is quite good, which lets me feel that I am really a professional in IT field. Of course, I believe in my ability that I would become a professional later but not now. ^^

IBM does really concern about the security issue. Why do I say so? Simply turning on a pc and logging in to windows, it requires me to type in 3 different passwords for the sake of ensuring that no one can use my notebook and read the information in it, even if it is stolen. On that issue, I've already created 5 new passwords today. >,< The most terrible thing is that I have to change these password every 3 months @@ the regulation is really strict.

>,< I feel tired, I don't want to stand for re-typing the rest of my diary. I type it later.

^^ I am full of confidence that both the IBM and the hospital authority would give me a job offer. What I have to do now is to consider which company provides good career prospects and competitive salary. I hope that I could start working as soon as possible as I've already taken enough time to rest and I've been ready for any kinds of challenge. I have to strive for my dream, being a leader in IT field. GoGoGo~~~~

Few days ago, I chatted with a girl(Iris) on msn who was one of junior students I knew at my secondary school. She hasn't be online for a long time ago and we haven't kept contact with each other for about four years. I still remember that I knew her when I was form 6. At that time, she was just a lovely little girl, being a form 2 student. But now, she has already grown up rather than a little girl anymore. She has graduated from the secondary school and is waiting for entering into a university. How happy I feel that she can be a university student. On the other hand, it is a truth that "there is a sweeping change when a girl has grown up". Her appearance has obviously changed and become much more beautiful than before. If I don't have a look at her photo on msn, I must not be able to recognize her when I happen to meet her.

By the way, I haven't met and chatted with Renee for a long time ago. How are getting on? ^^ Actually, I feel a bit worried about you as I heard that you feel so hard on your work. You must have lots of discouragement and dissatisfaction with your job which are hard to talk with anyone. I know that nobody could thoroughly understand your feeling, even though how willing you are to share your experience with others. What I can say is that " Be proud of yourself, turn all the challenges into opportunities. "

Lastly, Hope that Renee and Iris have a wonderful school life at university.

What a hot day it is today! Don't you know how painful I was? I had to wear a suit to go to IBM office for my second interview. As soon as I put my suit on, I started sweating. At that moment, I really admired girls who can wear a dress with a plunging neckline and a short skirt. That kind of clothing is good for breathing freely. However, unlike a female, being a male and a professially worker, I must wear a suit. >,<

Let's talk about my interview, I was so careless that I went to a wrong place, Taikoo Shing at Taikoo. Fortunately, I still had 15 mins before the interview started and the correct place was nearby, Taikoo Place at Quarry Bay. As the time was so tough, I had to run to there. >,< Can you imagine how painful I was? I had to run on a hot day while wearing a suit but not sporty clothes. Eventually, I was around 1 min late. My god >,<

Luckily, my performance was excellent during the interview. I had already showed my enthusiasm for the job and demonstrated all the skills and abilities that was required. Also, I could answer all the questions fluently and maturely. During the interview, I kept looking at the interviewer. Not only did I show my respect for him, but I could also know if he satisfied my answer and my respond. I felt that he was completely satisfied my performance. As he kept telling me the policy of IBM company, the benefit of the company. These information was useless to me if he had no intention to employ me. ^^ I am confident that I could pass this interview. If I can survive at the third interview, I will be employed by IBM. ^^ That's my dream company. A leading company with lots of opportunity offered.

Today I participated in an improvisation workshop, which was organized by HKUST Alumni Association. I've not just made lots of new friends there, but I've also refreshed my memory of the exact meaning of effective communication from the workshop.

In the past, I had no any communication skill at all, but there were still lots of people, who I want to make friends with, willing to get to know me. It was because I had already showed my feeling of making friends with them from the bottom of my heart by opening my heart to them and sharing the things I can share to them. But now, even though I've learned lots of communication skills through reading books and practically getting on with different kinds of people, I feel that I can't get my friends' heart. Don't get me wrong. I don't mean that these skills are useless. In fact, my performance has become better when I am in a group. Sometimes, I could act as an ice-breaker when people in a group don't know each other at the beginning. However, I've might put too much emphasis on sharpening my communication skills so that I've gradually forgotten to open my heart to others.

Luckily, from the workshop, I've understood that communication skills are nothing but a tool. If I do want to communication with a person, the unique way is to open my heart. It is no use having a good communication skill if I don't open my heart and share my real feeling. People who I communicate with are able to feel if my heart is open to them, no matter how good my communiation skills are.

When I finished all my courses at HKUST, I prided myself on successfully getting a bachelor degree, which was one of my dreams when I was form one. Besides, the unexpected feeling of loneliness and despair has overwhelmed me. It may be because my dream has already come true and I have lost a clear objective about my future. I don't mean that being a unversity graduate is one and only dream of mine. In fact, I still have lots of dreams like seeking for my truelove, having a good job, buying my dream house/car, etc. However, these kinds of dreams are so imaginary that I can't set an absolute path to obtain them. Hopefully, I would feel better after I get a job. There are still some reasons that cause me a bit down, but it's not easy to write it down. I am still seeking for a person who could open my heart and allow me to tell her all of my real feeling. That person might be Renee, who is a lovely and diligent gal. It is my pleasure to able be to know her on the net. ^^ May I have a chance to know more about you? I take you so seriously. Cheers!

Suddenly, I have a strong desire to make a move and live alone. I can't abide to live together with my father and my brother. We have different lifestyles, personalities and attitude towards everything. Honestly, my mother is one and only person who gives me a reason for staying there. She has a magic to link three of us together.

My father is an asshole. Even though he's grown me up and I know that he loves me, his attitude is totally appalling so that even my mother and my brother don't like him as I do. He is so arrogant that he thinks he could know everything if he wants to, but actually he is just a small potato and has a low educational background. I always persuade myself to forgive his innocence and try to persuade him to change his attitude. However, it is totally futile doing that. Whenever my mother and I said his shortcomings, he will get crazy and argue pointlessly. That makes both my mother and I feel helpless. Instead of arguing with him, what we do is just lets him speak and ignore him. How about my brother, actually he is not too bad. What I dislike him is his laziness and his irresponsibility. He just indulges in entertainment(playing online games, going out with his friends). Even worse, he often sleeps overtime and go to work lately, or even suddenly ask for a sick leave just because he is exhausted at playing last night. I am totally unable to accept what he does. I always wonder if he's ever considered his future.

I really want to live alone and have my lifestyle. However, it is too expensive to do that. I still have no ability to buy a house yet. >,< When am I able to start my own life? I've even thought to rent a house, but........ it costs a lot so that I might not able to buy a house. I don't want to rent for a house for the whole of my life. I need to have my own house. >,< When will my dream become true? .........

A weird feeling has emerged from my mind over a period of a half year. That feeling is related to a relationship between our lover and our best friend. I have no idea of what the difference is between them. From my point of view, my lover is my best friend. I would always treasure the relationship of both my lover and my best friend, would devote my time to them, would share my feeling to them, and, of course, would like to understand them. As long as I want to become a best friend with someone, I would deliberately act as what I mentioned above to her. Even though a person makes no attempt to be my best friend and just treats me as a normal friend at the moment, I would still treat her like my best friend as it is my signal to her that I want to be your best friend. To some extent, what I do is strange for my targets. They migth be under an impression that I am chasing them, instead of simply being their best friend. Actually, I could clarify to them that I just want to be their best friend and all the problems would be solved. However, I am not willing to explain that clearly. Let's imagine, if someone explains to you "I just want to be your best friend but not your lover.", what is your feeling? It is completely rude to say something like that and it is definately difficult to develop any kind of relationship with the target, let alone being a best friend or even a lover.

My god. What the hell am I writing? I get lost again. >,< I'm just typing what idea appears from my mind.

I am still confused about the difference between being a best friend and being a lover. Or I just want to seek for some best friends at that stage of my life. And hopefully, I could feel a feeling of real love from one of my best female friends as my logic is "My lover should be my best friend, my best friends are not always the one I love." Is what I think true / false / selfish / naive?

Recently, I have started to read a book called " Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Many people praise the content of the book, which lets us understand people with opposite gender more, or even clearly. However, I would say that I am not quite interested in the book. I am just able to find one main point stated in the book, which is " women need the feeling of being loved and being concerned, while men need space.". The remaining content just simply repeat or elaborate on this point and provides lots of personal advice and stories to readers. The advice and stories are extremely naive that I can't stand for. What he stated is to remind readers to understand the natural difference between two genders and tell them to forbear from what her lover did as it is a natural process. Do you think the author really provide any solutions to us. Totally not. However, I would praise for his cleverness of writing such kind of content, as mostly, readers would agree with his points and try to follow what he advised and what his stories described. I am not saying that readers are so foolish that they are inclined to believe the author. Just because the author is so clever. Usually, gals prefer reading this type of books and they are more willing to devote for their lover. Therefore, they would tend to believe that what the author said is true and try to improve the relationship with their lover by practising what they perceive from the book. For sure, if you really follow what he advised, you could probably improve the relationship between you and your lover, as you are humouring your lover. On the other hand, you would say that some boys are interested in this book as well. Why do boys just follow his advice? The answer is simply. It is because boys are lazy. If there is a method, no matter it is right or wrong, boys would try it out.

From my point of view, to keep a good relationship with our lover, we must be willing to share with our lover at the right time at the right place and be able to recognize that each of us has a unique characteristic. No matter men or female, we all need our private time and private space and private thing. If we can share with our lovers what we can share, our lover will be satisfied. A proper sharing is able to solve any problems.

Could anybody visiting my blog, if any, tell me what love is? Sometimes, I am quite confused about this word. If you love someone, it is necessary to tell your lover that you love her. If so, how do you let her know it? Recently, I've found that I like a girl, Renee, who is a smart, elegant girl. However, I have never chase her as I am still confused if I love her. If not, I might hurt her if I really chase her. If yes, oh my god, she is in love with others now. What can I do? Few weeks ago, I felt a little bit blue when I knew that she is in love with others. I am afraid of missing her. That feeling may be a signal telling me that I unconsciously love her to some extent. And I have a desire to chase her at that time.

Now, after deeply thinking about her, I found that I still love her but I don't have the motivation to chase her. That's because I am quite afraid of bothering her. If her boyfriend do treat her well and take care of her, I will be satified. ^^ Up to now, she is the only girl who gives me this kind of love feeling. I like this feeling. I hope that this feeling can keep alive. As I found that loving a girl can push myself forwards and practise what I have learned from books about "relationship".

Finally, I hope that Renee could forgive me as I suddenly say that I love her and let me keep going to do so. If you are worried whether I will get myself hurt, take it easy, I am too rational. If I really feel hurt, it doesn't matter, I want to try how painful this feeling is. Or I am just jealous of Jerry. ^^ He can receive your love and let you feel to be loved.